one more open bag, escaped cat

Lots of people have asked a lot of questions lately. Yes, I really am going to stop the monthly letters to and pictures of Chicken. Hopefully that will mean more frequent posting as things occur. She'll probably get a yearly letter. While I know they do keep on rapidly changing, I don't think any year can compare to the first in that department. Granted, it's the only one we've experienced thus far.

No, I don't plan on doing weekly updates during this pregnancy. I do hope to do monthly ones along with monthly belly pics. The very detailed record the first time around was for many reasons, not the least of which was to help me remember (during pregnancy #2) what happened when (during pregnancy #1). It's amazing how quickly you forget stuff.

Yes, I'm planning on going back to work once we have 2 kids (under 2. OMG.).

Yes, we were trying. No, it's probably very rarely ok to ask someone that question. Perhaps only to your best friend.

As we already have tons of baby crap, this baby won't add a whole lot by way of "stuff" to this house. The baby him or herself will be quite small. We'll be able to fit he or she neatly upstairs in the co-sleeper (um, if we can borrow it again). By the time he or she is ready to move downstairs, Chicken will be forced to share a room. You know, if we still live here.

Yes, we're starting to prep the house for sale. The very beginnings of prepping that will likely take quite some time, as do all things these days.

Yes, we'll find out what we're having before the baby is born. Yes, we'll tell you. No, we won't tell you the name as he or she probably won't have one until after his or her appearance.

Like last time, I did journal some privately before announcing the pregnancy publicly. Here's what you need to bring you up to speed. (And, as always, TMI.)

December 6, 2011- So. Five weeks, one day with baby #2. Pretty crazy. We decided to try when Chicken was 9 months old. That was a hard-fought compromise since Hubby would have had me pregnant ASAP. I needed some recovery time both physically and mentally... So we tried in October to no avail. I guess because Chicken came on the first try I was a little concerned something was wrong with me. And I was disappointed. That was a good sign. At least I knew I was on board with trying for baby #2. As it turns out, we needed one month to conceive baby #1 and 2 months for baby #2.

November was our month. My temps looked promising until the day before Thanksgiving. I broke down and [took a test] that day and got a negative. Disappointment again. But it was early and there was still a little hope. On Thanksgiving morning my temp rose again and I [tested] again. I swear, it's addicting. And sad because you're just peeing on money only to throw it away. But, oh! The peace of mind! Totally worth it. Anyway, it was pretty immediately a very faint positive. I told Wyatt I thought it was positive and he was happy. I was happy, too. It seems like there were fewer conflicting emotions this time around. I don't know how people do it when battling infertility. The one month of not getting pregnant was pretty bad. I would think that would be compounded with each subsequent month. It would be hard to have hope. So glad things have worked out for us. Really a miracle.

The morning I got the faint + turned into the morning I got the worst stomach virus ever... I finally felt good enough to go to urgent care on Sunday. Pretty much nothing they could do for me but did confirm the pregnancy. It's funny how being so sick didn't leave me thinking about the baby much except for worrying that I wasn't the most hospitable environment. I was concerned about that...

I was trying to figure out how soon I had weird digestive issues last time and hope to avoid them this time. I'm still excited about the new baby but am also having a hard time believing it's happening. I think it will be more real after the first OB visit on Dec. 20th... Part of me is really glad to get the pregnancy portion of my life over with. I guess I just worry about my health more now in general. Maybe being pregnant will help that since there are all sorts of weird feelings and symptoms that are totally normal. I'm glad to sorta know what to expect, too. I hope this pregnancy goes as well as Chicken's. Somehow I bet it goes by more quickly. You're just too busy to dwell on every little detail when you already have a baby. I hope we adjust ok. I'm guessing it won't be quite as big of an adjustment as it was to go from zero to one kid. But I still imagine I'll be overwhelmed...

Well, Baby #2, sorry you had a rough start. I hope you're doing ok in there and that you're growing and healthy. Can't wait to see you. And to see you and your sister together.

December 25, 2011- This past Tuesday, the 21st, I went for my first OB appointment with Dr. B. At some point after the + UPT, I had a dream that I went to her and she was mad at me for being pregnant again. She wasn't. In fact, as she was finishing the appointment she cracked the door open again and said she wasn't mad... [I got to see the baby on the ultrasound. Just one baby who was] measuring a few days small but [Chicken] did that, too. The [heart rate] was at 132 bpm. [The] due date was discussed. I thought it was August 8th before the appointment. The first nurse put it at August 7th. The ultrasound at August 10th. And the last nurse at August 8th. We're going to go with the 8th because that's our anniversary. Pretty fun if you ask me. [And why get a due date stuck in your head only to have to replace it with an actual birth date? The 8th HAS to be stuck in my head.]

January 20, 2012- [The last OB appointment was the 16th] and I weighed [blah]. Still. I haven't gained anything. That has me a little concerned... I know everything is different with every pregnancy but it's hard to assume everything is ok when you don't look or feel pregnant. The nurse used the Doppler and it took awhile to hear your heartbeat. I was getting nervous. Then we heard it but it wasn't registering on the machine. The nurse guessed it was in the 160s. I hope she was right as that's where you should be. Fingers crossed.

January 23, 2012- Yea! You're in there and measuring right on track! Your heart rate was 170 today and you measured 12 weeks and 1 day. I think you're 12 weeks exactly. Things look good regarding you being healthy and not having any major problems that we could see at this point. We'll know more in 6 weeks. We'll also find out if you're a boy or a girl. Right now I'm just really happy you seem ok. You were moving around, waving, and "talking." Fun to see. You also were not cooperative with the ultrasound tech for awhile. She made me cough and pushed on my belly A LOT. You finally gave in and got into a good position. Perhaps you'll be like me--doing what people want you to do, eventually, in your own time.

Back to the present. I'm 14 weeks today. My next appointment is next week. Next update may be in 2 weeks. I figure every 4 weeks is a good time. And gender-revealing ultrasound is scheduled for the 5th. Mark your calendars.

(In case you have no idea what the title means, this was the announcement of my pregnancy with Chicken.)

life list: run again

So there are about a million things I need to write about but I'm going to start with this one. I've pretty much always enjoyed running. I'm not so much a team sport kind of girl. And I enjoy having my feet planted firmly on the ground (says the person who has travelled for work for 6+ years). During elementary school, I gradually got worse and worse at sprinting. We'd have a track meet every year and you'd compete with kids from the other elementary school. My ribbons went from being blue and red to being yellow and green (1st and 2nd to 4th and 5th).

Sometime during Jr. High, though, we started running long distances. I had already succumbed to the fact that I was not athletic so this happened in PE class. I realized I was good at it. I was fast again! I wasn't that far behind the girl who was naturally athletic. Woohoo! But I still didn't run cross country or anything.

In college, I started running for real. At one point I was probably logging 15-ish miles each week. Not too bad. I had nice legs and could wear short shorts. Again, though, I fell off the wagon. And so it would go again and again. The last time I REALLY ran was shortly after completing grad school. This time I had friends who also ran. And I had a goal of running a 5k. Things were going well. And then I dislocated my knee. Again. I don't even know how many times that had happened before but recovery had always ranged from immediate to somewhat easy. Not this time. In fact, the physical therapist told me I should stop running. And I did. For 10 years.

At the time I was crushed. I was also angry. I didn't know why I should stop running because of my knees when I could dislocate one of them by walking or making the bed or bending down or getting out of the car. Does that mean I should just stay in bed all day? But I guess I was scared, too, since the only time I've had pain surpass it was later during full-on labor. Who wants to bring that on when there is zero reward to reap at the conclusion?

When I met my now-husband, he was a runner. I guess he is a runner. But he was in the zone of working out at the time. I was again envious. And I wished that he had known me when I, too, was a runner. I think he wished the same. Maybe that's what started the wheels turning. Perhaps I could do it again.

Over this last summer, The Brother started running. Leave it to him to think that he's still 18 and go from not running at all to just barrelling though during the hottest time of the year. I encouraged him to start the Couch to 5k program (something I had bookmarked years ago) since it eases you into things (much safer). After he started, it steamrolled. Seemed like everyone was starting. And while I was happy for and proud of those people, I was also getting angrier. I'm the one who enjoys running. I'm the one who should be doing it. Why am I watching all these other people take up a sport that I miss so much, a sport that some of them don't even like?

So I started. There were a couple of false starts and I haven't made it through the 9-week program yet. I'd get sick and would have to back track a week. Or I'd make it to a new week and feel like I was going to die so I'd stick with the previous week awhile longer. Usually I'll either take the dog or the baby with me. There are some glorious days where it's just me. Alone with my music, trying to find the strength to push through for one more minute before I can walk for one or two. Or feeling great and free in a way I don't doing anything else. I've kept it up (again, with breaks here and there) even though I'm 13 weeks pregnant (surprise! if you missed that on FB). I ran three times in Costa Rica, on the beach with a fantastic view. One of those days, Hubby even went with me. It was the first time we'd ran together (even though he could still run laps around me).

I've been thinking a lot about what milestone I'd need to reach before I could mark "run again" off the Life List. I was thinking "once I make it through the program." "Once I feel like I can just leave the house and run for X amount of time without stopping." But you know what? I leave the house and I run. It's in single-digit minute increments and walking is sprinkled in but I'm running. Again.

lead actress in a short film

I'll eventually have pictures of all the owl-infused festivities of the first birthday party but until then... Chicken's first year:

Untitled

month (gulp) twelve

Twelve months. One entire year. Over the weekend I was thinking, "This time last year I started having contractions." "This time last year, my water broke." "This is when we went to the hospital."
I've been working on a video and photo slideshow for your birthday party (that we're having on Saturday). It's been fun to go through the entire last year. I can't get over how small you were. And then I can't get over how much you changed so quickly. And, finally, I can't believe how many details I've already forgotten (like when you did what). I'm so glad we took so many pictures and that I wrote so much down. I hope you appreciate it one day when you're a mother. Keeping good records for you this first year was definitely a priority. As this was the last day for monthly pictures, I'm really proud of myself for making it through (with Daddy's help). I'm also proud of us all for making it through the year.


This month you've gotten even more chatty. You "talk" so much and it sounds like it all makes sense to you. I think you're starting to say "hi." You wave much more easily. And I swear sometimes you wave and say, "Hi, Daddy." Or you try to say "Maggie." Granddad thinks you said "Daisy" and "Tessa" the other day. I can't confirm but I do know that you love all the dogs. Even ones you don't know.


Not much has changed with eating. Still haven't gotten you off the bottle. We have started to introduce whole eggs and cow's milk in the last week or so. You've been having some digestive issues but you are even if we lay off the new things. Not sure what's going on there. Your 12-month doctor's appointment is on Thursday so I'll have to make a list of things to ask the doctor about. And I'll have to update your height and weight then. It seems like you're spreading out, though.


Sleep has been going better again (except for last night). I wasn't sure how things would go for us while we were on vacation and then making the transition back to the real world. But you did fine.


You still haven't taken more than one or two random steps at a time. You cruise all over the place while holding onto things and you still love walking while holding on to your push toys. Daddy didn't walk until he was 15 1/2 months old and who knows about me. My records aren't exactly stellar. I'm not concerned, though, as you've seemed to be progressing pretty well. You crawl like a speed demon these days, too.

The very beginning of this 12th month had us celebrating Christmas. People were so generous towards you, as usual. You didn't really open presents but you've enjoyed playing with everything. I'll be honest, though, I'm hoarding some of them in your closet for now. You'll get them throughout the year.


I mentioned vacation before. We went to Costa Rica for 10 days this month. It was wonderful. Your grandparents, auntie, and the three of us went. It was nice for us all to spend time together and for there to really be a village to take care of you. I luxuriously got to nap and read. It was awesome. You had so many firsts this trip. Your first flight, your first time out of the state/country, your first time in the Pacific ocean. You were very well behaved nearly the entire time. You did great when we ate at restaurants. You love the water but were hesitant about the wet sand at first. You eventually got over that. I think you had fun as well. When we got back it was weird to go back to work. We had seen each other so much over the previous month--I realized even more how much you've grown up lately.


Tonight we're going to your grandparents' to have a small celebration since it is your birthday proper. Then, like I said, a bigger party on Saturday. I'm excited for it. Now that I've actually given birth, a birthday seems a little different. And that it's yours makes it even better.


Last night, I was trying to think of words of wisdom for you. I'll probably only write you long letters like this once a year now so I figured it should be something really meaningful. I guess what I've learned this year is that everyone--parents, grandparents, kids, everyone--we're all just people. Most of us are just trying to do our best. All of us are figuring it all out as we go along. Turning a certain age or giving birth doesn't suddenly make you more mature or give you all the answers. And so far in life, I've never really felt like what I thought I'd feel like when I reached a certain age or milestone. You're just you. You'll be you at 5 years old and you'll be you when you graduate from high school. The same when you get married and have kids and find a job. You just add on these other roles or add another candle to the cake. And in time, you realize you need to cut people some slack (and yourself, too). Because, like I said, we're all just making it up as we go along. Happiest of birthdays, my tiny lurve. (I almost made it through this without crying.)


Update to add that you weighed 23 pounds 10 ounces and were 30 1/4" long at your appointment on the 26th. About the 85th percentile for both!

2011 reads

I'm way, way behind on end-of-year blog activities. So it goes... Here's the reading list from 2011. Sadly short but I was busy keeping a baby alive for nearly the entire year.

Mostly read:

Baby 411

I'm Too Sexy For My Volvo

What to Expect the First Year

Read:

16. Hello, My Name is Mommy

15. The Helps

14. Sizzling Sixteen

13. Hotel on the Corner of Bitter and Sweet

12. The Complete Adventures of Curious George

11. Charlotte's Web

10. Baby Massage

9. Healer

8. Saving CeeCee Honeycutt

7. The Girlfriend's Guide to Surviving the First Year of Motherhood

6. Because I Said So

5. Pregnancy Day By Day

4. Homebirth in the Hospital: Integrating Natural Childbirth With Modern Medicine

3. The Everything Pregnancy Book

2. What to Expect When You're Expecting

1. Happiest Baby on the Block

While the pregnancy/baby books were quite helpful (especially "Happiest Baby on the Block"), I really enjoyed the other books and highly recommend them all. So I guess while I'm low on quantity, I made up for it in quality. Read any good books lately?