Friday, September 25, 2015

update #10: the one with the crazy

I feel like making it 8 months out of the house before losing my mind was a pretty good run.  We're about a month past that and probably have almost two more to go before we're back in.  I'm honestly thinking of starting a GoFundMe campaign for my mental health care costs.  I try to go to sleep at night but just get angry and think of how I'd go on a tirade Julia Sugarbaker-style.  (Instead of, you know, slightly misplaced anger at strangers in a parking lot.)

Also?  I waffle.  I try to calm down and think that none of this is a big deal in the grand scheme of things.  So many people are going through much worse.  At least I live in a safe place.  I don't feel the need to flee my country to bring safety to my children.  We have food and jobs and our general health.  But then I think that if I don't get mad we will literally never move back home.  NEVER.  And I want to scream. 

So here's where we are.  We have walls and ceilings.  Allegedly they'll be textured starting tomorrow.  We met with the contractors a week ago and really tried to pin them down on costs and timelines.  I was feeling better then but I'm clearly already over that.  I get that we're taking this opportunity to make some changes that we would have had to pay for had the fire not happened. We figure now's the time to do it.  In the long run, it makes more sense to do it now than spend more money ripping out new material down the road.  But.  It also feels like I'm the only one concerned about the budget.  I'm not willing to pay an endless amount in upgrades.  I'm not willing to pay jacked up prices for materials.  So that leaves me with basically a part-time job as a sub-contractor who researches materials, bargain hunts, negotiates.  You know, on top of my full-time job.  And the tiny task of raising two small kids. 

But where does that leave me?  I have no problem with the quality of work thus far (which is good since we'll be living in this house a long time).  It's the timelines and budget.  And the fact that we're out of housing money about halfway through next month.  Which, again, we're fortunate enough to be able to pay mortgage for a house we're not living in AND outrageous apartment rent but it's the principle of the thing.  Can I fire these folks?  Um, not if I don't want to avoid a ton of additional delays.  I'm super tempted to just say, "We gave our notice at the apartment for this date based on our meeting with you last Friday.  That means we will be moving in on X.  You better be done by then."  Sigh.  I don't know, people.  I'm probably going to flip out on someone today.  You've been warned.