Tuesday, October 13, 2009

on its ear

I don't know if it's just the natural progression of technology or the nature of my job, but I use the internet. A LOT. There's tons of information at your fingertips. You can stay connected with people. And you can "meet" new. It's no wonder I did most of my wedding planning research online. I found weddingbee.com. At first I wasn't sure what the fuss was about and then I became obsessed. You'll notice it's the only wedding blog still on the list over there.

Why do I still read a wedding blog post-wedding? I'm involved in the weddings of the other girls who were planning while I was. All these women had something interesting and different to contribute but one of my favorites was Mrs. Cheese. She's a great writer. And during the whole process she was honest and real. Since I'm not a rainbow-n-unicorn kinda gal 100% of the time (or maybe ever), this was a huge relief.

Wedding planning, the actual day, and the subsequent marriage isn't always easy and fun but so many people only talk about the positive. Maybe some people really can ignore the crazy or wear rose-colored blinders. Good for them. Have I had post-wedding blues? Maybe a little. Sometimes I think about what I would have liked to have gone differently, more smoothly. Sometimes I'm disappointed in myself for not being that glitter-n-puppies girl. Sometimes I'm mad at myself for regretting any of it at all. Part of me wishes I could have a do-over. Maybe then I'd be smiling in at least one of the rehearsal photos. And I would have been even more explicit with the wedding day timeline. And would have started the whole day even earlier so I could have gotten more pictures. And while we're at it, I would change some of the things that followed the wedding and some honeymoon happenings as well. But alas... Can't go back.

I guess my point is, all this stuff is hard. I feel very fortunate that I've found Mrs. Cheese's personal blog and can read about her struggles and what she's trying to do to improve things. The internet is good. Also? Lately it feels like I've been focused too much on what's wrong instead of being grateful for all that's right. Mrs. Cheese tried to blog positively for the month of September. I think that's a great idea that I'm going to try for awhile. And I've gotten away from my introspective, psychology-student self in favor of just getting tasks marked off lists. I need some centering, some balance, some self-care, some less tangible goals. Wish me luck.

(Good about today? The beauty that is Colorado, chocolate cake, sweaters, and the opportunity to miss my husband.)

2 comments:

Marisa said...

Good luck! I think you can do it, certainly, and you'll be surprised by what a difference looking at and for the bright side will make in your contentedness.

But also: be gentle with yourself. Every bride has regrets, every wife struggles sometimes, and every person worries and wishes and what-ifs. It's okay. The trick is to accept it and then be able to move on. It's the moving on part I'm working on. :)

Anonymous said...

I'm glad I'm a guy. no regrets on my part

The Brother