fork in the road
Things have been really busy lately. And when I say "lately" I mean for, oh, the past 3 years or so. There's a lot of work to catch up on when you were only back from vacation for 7 working days before missing another 7 because of a natural disaster.
I missed the presidential programming last night because I was flying back home and just wanted to get to bed as quickly as possible. As I was rushing out of the airport, however, I heard Obama say this:
I missed the presidential programming last night because I was flying back home and just wanted to get to bed as quickly as possible. As I was rushing out of the airport, however, I heard Obama say this:
I know that I wouldn't be standing here if it weren't for the fact that this country gave me opportunity. I came from very modest means. I had a single mom and my grandparents raised me and it was because of the help of scholarships and my grandmother scrimping on things that she might have wanted to purchase and my mom, at one point, getting food stamps in order for us to put food on the table.That got me thinking, and I'm not going political here. I think if you pay attention, there are times when things happen to you or around you or you make the decision yourself, and that changes the whole course of your life. What if Obama's grandparents wouldn't have been there to help him and his mother? Here are some turning points that came to mind for my life.
Despite all that, I was able to go to the best schools on earth and I was able to succeed in a way that I could not have succeeded anywhere else in this country.
- My father's death. I'm pretty sure this would impact anyone's life. But I was only seven. And I was suddenly an old soul. Who knows...maybe I was before then; I can't remember. And Mom never really had any romantic relationship after that. So this change led me to not having in-house role models in that regard. And instead of having a household with a stay-at-home mom and working dad, I had a single mom with a low income.
- My grandpa paying off our mortgage. This is the first thing I thought of when I heard Obama last night. I have no idea what we would have done with a mortgage. We barely scraped by for a long time. I think that could have put us over the edge. Life could have been worse. Way worse. Thank goodness we didn't have to move after Dad died. That stability surely helped us.
- My mother's death. When you're 19 and suddenly have no living parent, some things change. I totally lost religion, for example. And even though (unlike many people) I couldn't fall back on Mom in a financial sense when she was alive, I could totally fall back on her emotionally. Then I think about how things would be now if she were here. She would be proud of me but at the same time hate my job. She'd be so worried every time I got on a plane. And that I'm in strange, new places. Alone! By myself! She would have probably chain smoked herself to death.
- Choosing not to date that guy in college. (Granted, this one is not as heavy as the previous ones.) I could feel that I was at the fork in the road. It was the darker path. I'm glad I didn't choose it.
- Choosing to date that other guy in college. Oh, to gather baggage. To feel like damaged goods. To lose a bit of yourself. To have him say really stupid crap to make going it alone so much easier.
- Not getting accepted into a PhD program. Ending up in my back-up Masters program has pretty much shaped my entire adult life. The friends I made. The place I live. The Brother told me the other day that the last apartment I lived in made him want to move here. But what if I hadn't moved here? He wouldn't have moved here. He wouldn't have met my SIL. I wouldn't have met The Boyfriend. It goes on and on...
- Not getting my first choice in internships. You know how there are times in life when you just wish you knew the reason something didn't work out? Where you wish someone would let you in on the plan, let you see the big picture? And how there are other times when you can look back and see exactly why things worked out a certain way? Or maybe that's just me. I've been able to look back and see that that internship wouldn't have been the best one for me. The one I got prepared me for my first and second post-college jobs. My first job led me to the apartment I mentioned before. That commute led me right by the office of my second job (which I wouldn't have noticed otherwise) and that got me into this career.
- Going to HMNS on August 10, 2007. Thank goodness I met The Boyfriend. I noticed today how I don't look at strangers the same way. I'm no longer on the prowl. It's a nice habit to fall out of... Having someone to take for granted (even though you should never take anyone for granted)? Priceless.
How about you? Can you think of any forks in your road?
Comments
It's late. I'm rambling. But your post was truly an experience for me to read.
BS is right, although I have my own way of thinking about it. Your life is like a braid, constantly being added to, but the end result is a nice, long path. At one point, you can choose to go down one of several strands. But, eventually, God will bring you back to the path He had out for you all along. He is just constantly weaving our lives in and out and in and out based on the decisions we make in our own lives. It's beautiful, isn't it? I don't think the first few of those on your list really applies in this case, because we don't CHOOSE to lose loved ones. But everything else does.
It is truly amazing to look back at your life and think of the 'what would have happened IFs' and smile. :)
good post, cjh!
cph