a day in the life

6:45 am - Wake up.
7:00 am - Get out of hotel bed. Look outside and realize it is very dark. Time change is coming, as is bad weather. Think that flights will probably be delayed today.
7:45 am - Look for Starbucks online.
8:00 am - Get stuck in traffic even though hotel to Starbucks to office should be very short trips.
8:15 am - Use Starbucks Drive-Thru because it is pouring. Think how annoying the car in front of me is because woman does not turn off wipers causing water pouring off Starbucks' roof to fling directly at barrista.
8:16 am - Turn off wipers.
8:30 am - Make it to office. Still raining.
11:30 am - Tired of snarky comments written in notes by employee here. Decide to be a b!+ch right back and point out every little thing she did wrong.
11:31 am - Annoyed at employee using ALL CAPS ALL THE TIME. Why do people not know this means they are yelling? Maybe she does know...
1:15 pm - Finished with work. Go talk to employee before heading to the airport. Feel uncomfortable (again) that she apparently had bad experiences with previous co-workers and generalizes to me. Glad the next visit here will be the last.
1:30 pm - Leave for airport.
1:33 pm - Decide I probably won't use enough gas to go below "F." Decide not to stop to get gas.
1:42 pm - Take exit per directions. Realize that last time I did this I thought it was a stupid exit to take (yet did not make a note on directions).
1:44 pm - Make a note on directions while driving. Also take liquids (lip gloss, concealer) out of purse and place in quart-size Ziploc bag with other liquids, put folder back in bag, and move ID from purse to travel wallet also while driving (don't tell the police).
1:50 pm - Get to rental car place and have to return car in the rain despite having a large covered area. Wonder who hasn't been doing their job. Feel simultaneously annoyed that I'm standing in the rain and grateful that my job normally doesn't require me to stand in the rain.
2:00 pm - Helpful Southwest woman puts me on stand by for 2:15 flight.
2:01 pm - Notice security line is obscenely long. Think I'll never make flight.
2:20 pm - Get to front of security. Annoyed that woman in front of me walked through before her numerous bags and bins made it through x-ray. Sure, I'll push them all through.
2:22 pm - Make it to Gate 5 expecting to miss 2:15 flight. Hear that plane has been boarded but has been delayed 10 minutes. Go down jetway.
2:23 pm - Realize that flight is pretty full. Flight attendant says the middle seat in Row 4 is available. Notice very large woman in Row 4. Also, sickly man.
2:24 pm - Get one bag in overhead and other under seat. Squeeze into middle seat while offering large woman option of leaving the armrest up between us. Doubt she could put it down anyway.
2:25 pm - Feel like sardine but at least I'll be home early.
2:26 pm - Lean toward sickly man to try to respect space of large woman.
2:27 pm - Sickly man coughs. Not a dry cough. Wet. Lots of phlegm. Sounds like he needs a spit cup. Delicately balance between sick man and large woman. Large woman coughs as well (dry).
2:28 pm - Try to rank my least favorite characteristics of previous row-mates. Smelliness. People who touch me. Phlegm. People who talk when I don't want to. People who try to get me to quit good job that utilizes Masters degree to become a secretary in order to find a husband.
2:33 pm - Decide it is difficult to put these things in ranked order.

The rest is pretty mundane. Just thought there hadn't been a good glamorous travel story in awhile.


tigger said…
Next time, try to find GOOD characteristics of row-mates. It won't take as long as you think and you'll end up in a better mood. Glad you're back safe and sound!
Cheryl said…
It might put you in a better mood but it would not make as interesting a story. So do you make one person happy (you) or all of your readers (or at least me)?
Keep those glamorous travel stories coming...
creechman said…
This is why I haven't flown since before 9/11.
km said…
Love it and really needed it this morning!!! Thanks for the humorous writing.
cjh said…
I wasn't in a bad mood really, just observing. I'm always glad to get home safely and even happier when I get home earlier than expected.

One time I had a cousin ask me if I'd be thrilled to sit next to a guy in a turban (meaning, I suppose, that this would automatically make him a terrorist). I said I'd be fine with that as long as he didn't smell or invade my space. I have my priorities in order.
Bubba's Sis said…
Smell is definitly high on the priorities list! Glad you got home safely, and hopefully are not coughing. Where were you?
katielady said…
I loved this post. Reflects my feelings today.
cph said…
Ah yes. Smelliness could mean bad b/o or a guy who has bad and frequent gas on a 3 1/2 hour flight (that was my flight home yesterday). And he kept sneezing! Violently! I hope he just had allergies.

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