Wednesday, December 03, 2008
some getting used to
I've been officially off the market for about 3 days now. It's overwhelmingly weird. Don't get me wrong, I really couldn't be happier. Very exciting. Best year ever. But it's weird to think of what this means. And to have and be a fiance. To think about changing my name and combining households. To be able to live with the person I love. All of it.
I've been wearing my mother's ring for about 2 days now. Also weird. It's beautiful and I think it looks good on my skinny little finger. I've put it on briefly in the past just to imagine what it would be like (even well before I met The Fiance) but now it fits me. It's always been Mom's ring, though, and I wonder how long it will take for me to call it mine. When people ask to see it and compliment me on it, I just respond that it was my mother's. I'm not sure why I'm compelled to say that.
And I have no idea why--maybe because my mom wore this ring all day everyday--but when I look at my hand I can see hers despite not sharing any genes. I've thought about how it probably only looked this good right when she received it 46 years ago. I wonder how she felt with it on her finger. I wonder if she had the same hopes. I know she didn't have the same long wedding-planning road ahead of her.
I haven't really cried yet. I've been on the verge of tears several times but they haven't broken through. I know this whole process is going to be overwhelming and I'm going to wish she were here. And I know I'm going to drive everyone insane with my incessant wedding talk. Just tell me when you've had enough. I promise we can talk about something else.